Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Wedded Wednesday- Judging Others

A friend of mine (I've mentioned here before, her name is Allison) mentioned a nice little bloggy carnival thing, and I thought I'd give it a shot since my usual attempts at creating a routine die out so quickly.

It's called Wedded Wednesday from a wonderful woman named Johanna.  You can link up to it here.

For my first Wedded Wednesday, I'd like to let you in on a lesson I have learned in my little-more-than-a-year of marriage- Everyone's marriage is different, and it is impossible to see everything from the outside view.

You should normally never judge.  I have never had an issue abiding by this honestly, but it seems that a lot of people have a problem with it.  This is not a response to someone's judgement of late or anything personal, so please don't wonder who I'm pointing a metaphorical finger at- it's no one.  I have just noticed in my little-more-than-a-year of marriage that above most things, people judge relationships and marriages. 

I've heard comments about couples, how they won't last.  I've heard comments on how the girlfriend doesn't treat her boyfriend right because she picked out decorations for his new house.  But most of all I used to worry about what Mike's friends said about ME.  I never fit in real well with the crowd, and Mike is well loved by EVERYONE.  He just doesn't have a lot of faults, and he's extremely loyal to his friends.  I just didn't match up.  We were complete opposites, and I am known to make enemies for my strong opinions.

Somewhere along the way I stopped worrying what they think.  They don't see all that goes on.  So what if we never hang out when we're at a party?  He goes one way I go another.  So they heard us disagree.  So what?  They don't see how he cuddles me.  How we hold hands even when alone.  His sweet text messages, or really even how we fight- we fight honestly, without harsh words, and we never hit below the belt.  We fix the issue at hand openly.  If we get too upset, we take a break from the fight until we calm down.

Not even my own mother sees all the good in our relationship.  I honestly think she's terrified he'll leave me some day!  Our housemate at one point used to get real uncomfortable when we bickered.  It took her a while to realize that 99% of it was a loving joke.  We are actually still in a honeymoon stage, I think.  We're happier than we've ever been. 

Maybe people like to find faults so they can compare themselves a little better.  I don't know.  I've just learned that judging relationships is like looking through shattered glass.  You don't really see what it is your looking at.  Not thoroughly at least.


Johanna said...

I think if you've got learning to fight fairly down, everything else is gravy. We're still learning that one!

Thank you for linking up to Wedded Wednesday!

Caroline @ The Feminist Housewife said...

I loved this post! It's encouraging to hear of people with great marriages...and I agree, people are so judgemental about relationships. I've definitely had to deal with my fair share (or more..) of bad-mouthing from my husband's friends!