The Dreaded Father's Day

I wrote this post a couple weeks ago, but couldn't post it immediately.  It's a delicate subject, ya know?


About 3 years ago my Dad's company held their bi-annual company picnic at King's Island.  As someone who was working there, I managed to wiggle my schedule enough that I would at least get to see him that morning (July was by far the busiest month at the park).  Mike and I spent all morning with them.  We split up pretty early, and it just felt odd.  I mean, I had to obtain Mike's ticket- my dad found an excuse for not getting him one.  Everyone knew how tense Dad was about me dating someone who wasn't (and still isn't) white.


That was the last time I saw my Dad.


I was having a birthday party in a month and everyone at the party already knew I was moving in with Mike in September.  Everyone except my Dad.  So a few weeks after the trip to KI, I called him up and let him know.  It didn't go over so well.  We yelled, we got disconnected, he called back and yelled at me for hanging up on him (I was driving- I went through a bad signal spot).  We yelled some more.  He hung up on me.  I called him back 4 times.  Finally his wife answered and said he didn't want to speak to me.


I could sit here and say I was absolutely shocked.  But unfortunately that would be a lie.  I was totally expecting it.  Doesn't mean that the actual words didn't hurt.  They still hurt today.  You wouldn't believe how many different ways I've learned to cope with the pain.


6 months later Mike proposed.  I wrote my Dad a letter.  I told him about it, and told him how much I missed him, and asked him to participate.  That Mike and I were an Us now.  Not just me.  He wrote back and turned every nice thing I said into something hateful.  He was mean.  I gave up.  I responded with every thought that I had formed and told him how awful he was for doing this.


1 year and 6 months later- It's Father's Day (oh how I hate this day).  One of my best friends was married 2 days earlier, Mike's best man was married the day before.  Our wedding was in 5 days.  It was my last shot- I called him.  It went exactly as I had expected.  He shot me down.  He even had the nerve to say "Had I voiced my opinions sooner, maybe things could have been different."


I hate Father's Day.  Today marks the 1 year anniversary of that horrible call.


But today is going to be different.  We're starting new holidays for us.  Not ones where we celebrate our own Father's, but one where we celebrate us as parents.

Happy Father's-To-Be Day, Mike.  I love you.  And yes, I'm terrified.


This also explains the lack of posts lately.  Because, quite frankly, when you have one big thing on your mind, it's hard to NOT write a post about it.  Now that I have, I will try my best to keep my blog from being over-run with pregnancy posts.  Please keep in mind I said TRY.