Wednesday, April 28, 2010

What do You Want to Be?

That horrible horrible question. What do you want to be? What are you majoring in? What's your degree in? Oh, and what are you planning on doing with that (Spanish degree)?

Let me answer... I HAVE NO FREAKIN' CLUE!!!!

How frustrating. I'm 23. I have a bachelor's degree in Spanish. What do I want to be? A teacher. A nurse. A translator. A Human Resources Manager. I want to start my own business- a printshop, a daycare, a babysitting business, a nonprofit organization... I love art and I've considered photography. I have considered just managing my hubby's up and coming videography business (check it out here if your interested). I want to work for the UN with one of its humanities projects... You get the picture.

I have yet to find my calling. Except for one thing, and it's odd, because when you know something, you just know it. My relationship with Mike was that way. I had loved and lost before. But I had never felt THAT with anyone before. He just completed me. He was a part of me that I had never known I was missing. Like the way I feel about Mike, there is only one thing that I have always been 100% destined to be.

I want to be a mom. I LOVE children. They are my heart and soul. I've been a babysitter for years. YES YES YES I know it's NOWHERE near the same thing. BUT. I've been there. I was a nanny for my cousins when they were 14 months old. Yes, identical twins. Live In Nanny. 14 months old. I was 16. LOVED IT. I worked at their school FOR FUN. I helped my older brother on those long nights when his son was little and his parents just needed rest. I was their when he was colicky. I was there the night he was rushed to the ER because of his ears. So although it's not the same. I've been there. And I know my calling.

It's unfortunate, however. As nice as it would be to spend my years as a stay-at-home-mom, I don't see it in the future. Mike will have to strike it rich (or at least make enough to cover all expenses and my love of a comfy lifestyle). Currently, he and I together aren't making enough to cover our expenses!!! No worries, we're making it work and we're honestly fine. But the numbers are there, and we won't be fine forever this way. And I'm actually the main money source at the moment. And I carry our insurance. We just can't bring a baby into this situation AND have me quit my job...

In fact, at this moment we're not even sure it would be fair to bring a baby into our situation. So we're waiting (thought I was going to say I was pregnant, huh?) Which is rather sad for me. It'll come eventually, though. Patience is a virtue, right? I just wish I knew how to deal with the wait without making my hubby go CRAZY.

No comments: