Maddie Mei- The birth experience

Oh hello!  Yes, we are still alive.  It's been a challenge to get online at all, let alone write a blog post (or 2 or 3).  I have barely gotten bills paid!


But Maddie hits 3 weeks old tomorrow, and we are slowly falling into some sort of routine.  How do you actually get a routine going, by the way?  Someone give me some tips, please.


Oh, right.  Birth.


So my birthing experience was interesting, to say the least.  I started having contractions Sunday evening.  Finally at about 2 am we went to the hospital.  They kept me for 2 hours and released me.  I had progressed between the doc appointment on Thursday (1 cm) to 3 cm, but in those 2 hours nothing changed.  Boo.  Mike stayed home Monday, but went back to work on Tuesday.  The contractions never really stopped, and finally got intense enough to go back on Tuesday.  I called everyone in around 2:15 (my mom and Mike) and we were at the hospital by 4.  At 4 pm I hadn't progressed since Sunday (still at 3 cm).  They kept me an hour before making any decisions.  Miraculously in that hour I went from 3 cm to 5.  YAY!  Baby is coming!  I was admitted.


And then from 5 pm to 12:30 am, nothing changed.  My contractions weren't intensifying or coming any faster, I wasn't dialating.  So the doc came in and asked me to make a choice- go home, break my water, or start pitocin.  I was trying to go without meds, and I certainly wasn't going home, so I opted for breaking my water.  THAT was interesting.  And let me tell you- contractions BEFORE the water breaking- nothing compared to after.  HOLY WOW.  It didn't take long and I opted for the Nubane.


Nubane is a trip.  I rested through the pain for a few hours.  4 am came and I was checked again- STILL no change!!!  At this point I have been laboring for 12 hours at the hospital and I was still just at the beginning of active labor???  WTH?!?!?  


So despite any plans of mine, pitocin it was!  However, the nubane was wearing off, and I was afraid of pitocin intensifying that pain, so... epidural it was.  I got the epidural around 4:45 am.  The pitocin was started around 5:15 am.


Everyone had gone home around 11 pm except Mike.  He was napping on the loveseat.  My mom stayed at my house and came back around 5:30 am.  Which is good, because when the nurse checked me at 5:45 am I was at 9 cm!!!!  Apparently SOMETHING worked.


So we woke Mike and he made the calls to everyone.  Time became a blur at this point, but a little while later they came in to change out the internal monitor on the baby's head- it was all over the board for readings.  So the nurse goes to change it out, and sees that the old monitor had fallen off because oh wow, baby's head is RIGHT THERE!  And it's full of hair, which is why the readings were so bad.


So all of a sudden things are set up and the doctor was called in and I'm pushing before I knew what was happening.  Didn't take long at all- she arrived at 7:19 am.

7 pounds 1 ounce

20 inches long

full beautiful ROUND head of hair

Absolutely perfect.

I must say that delivery was the easiest part of the whole pregnancy.  And I'm recovering just as nicely.  The epidural was definitely the right choice for me.  The nurse said that the epi is probably what jump started my labor- they barely got any pitocin in my system at all.


And Mike?  He was such a champ.  Such a good labor coach- very supportive.  He made it all the way to the end, heard it's a girl, and THEN nearly fainted.  My poor family- they were all out there waiting to hear girl or boy.  The hospital plays Braum's lullaby over the hallways when a baby is born, so they knew she was here.  And then they had to wait 45 minutes before the doctor would let Mike get up and go tell them!

24 Hours Later....

I think I'm going to go insane.


Already.  I'm just not the "stay at home" type of person.  Or rather, I am.  I just like to have stuff to do, and to be honest I'm not quite in shape to be "to-doing" it up around here.  But we're trying.


I finished the bib.  With the except of adding on the button.  Because I don't have buttons.  But we are going to a fabric store tonight so my mama can make my nursery curtains, and I plan on stocking up on some extra bright and extra big and extra adorable buttons tonight.


I also made a pot of homemade chili last night.  MMMMMMM it was so good.  And so fitting for this fall weather that I have recently fallen in love with.  I can have windows open.  It's been YEARS since I could do that!  Last year, we didn't have functioning windows/screens.  Mike has since fixed that.  All the college years before that- it wasn't safe on campus to keep windows open.  Before that?   I had a bird.  It has literally been since my first year at UC, or maybe even my senior year of high school since I've been able to freely have my windows open. And my first year at UC- it was one dinky window in a tiny dorm.


Oh, chili, you say?  I love my chili.  I will look for the recipe today to see if I've ever posted it.  I don't think I have, since I've been working on perfecting it for a while.  I finally think I have it to where I like it, though.  And since it's chili, it's high protein, high veggies, and LOW CARB!  Meaning very good for the gestationally diabetic.  The cornbread that goes with it?  Not so much...


I also started one of my organizational projects- Organizing my bookcases!  I'm already not happy with it, to be honest.  Who wants to come help?  There are a few constraints that are really bugging me, and I'm just not sure how to work around them and keep things aesthetically pleasing.  This whole room needs the furniture rearranged, though... Maybe that would be enough to fix my woes.  I'm just not sure how!  Maybe if I draw the room and furniture proportionally from a 2D view from above... that might help me out.  Hmmmm....


Other things I've done, because apparently this blog is now going to be a play-by-play of maternity leave?  I walked a mall for an hour and a half.


And then after eating chili for dinner and sitting on an exercise ball, along with walking a flight of stairs every time I needed to pee, I spent about 4 hours awake with contractions in the wee hours of this morning.


I'm seriously hoping these things get a little more serious around here.  Practice is really cramping my style.

Holy Maternity Week

Friday marked the beginning of the end.  Or at least I hope.


(Pregnancy DOES in fact end, right????)


I started maternity leave.  Which seems weird to me.  It's been a long time since I didn't have a job.  Ok, it was 2008, and again it was for a medical reason (knee surgery, anyone?) but outside of that awful time, it's been a while.  And holy cow, 3 months?  More?  That's amazing.


So my goal is every day I will get up and get dressed still.  What, don't tell me you get dressed every day of every weekend!  I will make breakfast and then set to work on at least 1 project, preferably one that requires movement (today I've somewhat failed).  After lunch I will spend the afternoon doing a sit down activity, and then my evenings will be whatever they would normally be.  


This will keep me sane during this waiting game, no?


So far, the entire upstairs is clean (woohoo!!!!!).  And after a lot of work, the main level is mostly clean too!  We just need to basically sweep and do a few project organization things, and we're good.  Next up- the downstairs.  I'm mad excited here.  My house, for probably the first time ever, is close to being completely clean!


I've also started to crochet.  I already knit, but I was kind of getting bored with it.  So I bought a set of crochet hooks and a book on how-to, and found some patterns on Ravelry, and set to work.  We now have a newborn sized pumpkin hat (that is OMG adorable) and about 20 rows worth of a bib.  :-D  Hopefully by the end of things I'll have a few bibs, and a papoose.  Unfortunately the yarn I bought for the papoose is not very crochetable.  I can't see my stitches!  So I'm going to have to see if I can find a knitting pattern.  Because I want this papoose.  And this yarn was semi expensive (hello soft and fluffy).


And in the mean time I'm totally getting my arms the workout they need.  By throwing a miserable looking "hot dog" dog toy once every 10 seconds for my extremely happy puppy.  He has spent a month learning to live at home all day by himself, and now all of a sudden Mama is home every day all day.  Holyfreakincowhowmanytoyscanwefindforhertothrowtoday?


And fortunately by noon he's zonked.  Like now.  He's curled in a ball in my lap. Gotta love tiny dogs.  So much energy that honestly runs out so fast.


I'll maybe get some cute pictures of the hat and soon-to-be bibs before long.  I'm sure you're dying to see a newborn pumpkin hat, right?  Me too... On the newborn, that is.  Any day now.... Any day now.....

A Dr Seuss Gender Neutral Nursery

Here's what you've all been waiting for!  And so far, according to my blown up facebook account, it's a hit!  That makes me happy.  I put a lot of effort into this one.  Ladies and gentlemen, we have a nursery!


And none too soon.  I'm 37 weeks 3 days.  And I just split wide open the ass of my favorite pajama pants, so... ya know.  It's about time.


Ok.  Here's the tour.  I'll point out the important aspects- those hand made with love... Not necessarily by me, unfortunately.  I just make the baby.  If you like what you see, I'd be happy to tell you where I got it, so feel free to ask!!!!

Who wants yellow and green all over?  Not us.  Our gender neutral- orange and lime green.

The framed art pieces are actually pages from my favorite Dr Seuss book- Oh Say Can You Say (I just realized I've read several more pages recently).  Hand made by my Aunt.  There are 5 pages around the room.

Bookshelves- made by my awesome husband after I realized that my huge self couldn't handle power tools.  There are 3 and they are really awesome.

Blanket made with love by my grandmother.  There are 3 others, along with booties, hats, and even a poncho (if it's a girl).

Banner was made by my artsy friend for my baby shower.  It's made out of fabric, however, so it could be kept and hung in the nursery.

More detailed view of the bookshelves.

The only thing missing- curtains!  And you should see the material we bought for them.  

I am still alive

We gotta stop meeting like this.  I'm such a better friend than that.  And I do consider you my friend!


I have been lazy with pregnancy.  And then third trimester hit and the laziness went away because, oh my god, we're having a baby soon and I need to get my shit together!  But here's the thing- there is so much around me that got neglected, I'm still WAY behind!  And holy wow, people.  Third trimester is THE HARDEST to get things done.  Ok, maybe I'm forgetting all the sickness and exhaustion of first, but... I'm going with it.


AND ON THAT NOTE!


Pregnancy news!


As of today I am 37 weeks 1 day.  :)  This means full term, people!  We are all on baby lookout around here.  Not that you really want to know, but I am 1 cm dialated, and the baby's head has dropped.  This thing is for real.


And that also means that I have of course survived what I may have described as a hellacious gestational diabetes diagnosis and diet.  I won't lie, it's been hard at times.  Especially after the first few months when you start getting bored with what you eat.  But for the most part, I'm enjoying the food I can actually eat, and I'm honestly trying to think of ways to incorporate this style of eating (which is super healthy) into my every day life post baby and post GD.  It's really good for you.  And it's really been my saving grace.  I've only gained about 34 pounds, 30 of which I had gained BEFORE BEING DIAGNOSED.  That means for the entire third trimester I have gained 4 pounds.  Don't worry about the baby- he or she has been gaining in a very healthy way.  At my 36 week appointment (and ultrasound... I get them weekly now thanks to the GD) they estimate the baby to weigh 6 lbs 2 oz.


But with all said and done, I have a list of foods that I will be eating post-baby.  Included are spaghetti, a hot fudge cake from frisch's, and my birthday dinner, including cake.  Oh, and eventually pumpkin pie.  pumpkin muffins.  and breakfast foods.  I miss cereal and biscuits and french toast.


So that's the majority of the pregnancy stuff.  More to come.


Books- 


Apparently the last thing I read was the Song of the Lioness Quartet?  That really can't be true, can it?  I love to read.  I read all the time.  No way.  I said I was going to read Harry Potter... Did I do that?  I can't remember, but I honestly don't think so because I don't remember nearly as much as I would had I just read it... So I guess I need to read that (again).  BUT to help me catch up on my reading (which I thought I was behind before... that's nothing now!!!) my wonderful husband got me the Kindle for my birthday.  I'm so excited, and I have already downloaded several books.  None of which I've finished yet, but I will soon!  And happily I will be updating my 11K in 2011 list here shortly with the pregnancy book that I have read not once, but actually TWICE.


Work-


The main reason I have been so lazy!  I thought the 4 months of training for the job was a little much and kind of overwhelming.  BOY WAS I WRONG!!!  So I guess they like me?  Because they gave me a lot more work than expected... It was supposed to be temporary while someone was on leave.  But then she came back, and never took back the work!  I love it, though!  My job is so much fun, and so interesting.  Yes, I plan the production for our making systems.  Yes, to some people that probably would be very boring.  But my job is far from boring.  There are issues every day, and the schedules are ALWAYS like putting together huge complicated and sometimes incorrectly cut puzzle pieces.  Now that I'm finally adjusting (and have only 4 days before maternity leave) I can tell that the work has been a major cause behind my exhaustion.  Not that pregnancy has been enough!  It's gotten a lot easier on me now, though.  I know my job better.  I'm at that stage where I'm ready to learn the next step (believe me... I'm still on a basic level at work).  But obviously with maternity leave starting in FOUR DAYS I'm not moving on until I return.


In other news- 


My house is a wreck still.  But it's majorly improved.  Remember how I said I was lazy?  This is where it's been the worst.  I have finally gotten most of the upstairs cleaned up.  Our bedroom is by far the easiest room to maintain in our house, and I've successfully done so now for over a month.  :)  The guest room is probably just as easy and I've been doing well with it too.  I haven't gotten the office cleaned up, but I at least get in there and dust, vacuum, and clean the window every now and then.  And of course the nursery.  It's been well worked on!  More on that later.  The bathrooms have been more difficult to maintain.  My husband is messiest in the bathroom, and it's honestly a crappy bathroom to begin with.  It's definitely near the top of the major remodeling project lists.


The downstairs, however... is a disaster.  I got the dining room cleaned up last week, though.  And I got the fall decorations out- I just need curtains.  I imagine I can keep it clean enough.  My kitchen is still a mess, and I haven't even touched the living and family rooms.  Both of which have been swallowed whole by books, fabric, papers, yarn, more papers, bags (and bags and bags) and shoes.  Oh, and empty boxes from all of the baby stuff.  But the living room is seriously on my hit list tomorrow.  It's going down.


Mike, a job, and childcare-


So my wonderful hubs found a wonderful (and well paying) job!!!!!!  It's full time (I could sing) with not only benefits (yay!) but AWESOME benefits (YAY!!!).  So we are just thrilled around here.  We're both working on the same shift now.  That's a plus.  We get our weekends together!  And seriously.  I haven't even looked back to the days where we didn't.  How did we seriously manage that for so long?  This is so nice.


And with his new job, and a rather long commute, we had to get rid of his car.  It wasn't reliable.  And definitely not functional as a family vehicle.  So with the new job, and shiny new paycheck, we traded in the little coupe for a CR-V.  :)  We had been planning this purchase for a long while, I'll admit.  Don't think we're rich or anything (we certainly aren't).  But we knew we'd never be able to afford a car payment until Mike had a better income.


There are downsides to the new job, though.  One of which is childcare.  Our baby will be at a daycare center 40 hours a week.  But it's literally down the street from my office, so I can go see him or her at lunch time if I wanted.  And we found a daycare that I'm really excited about.  They stress education.  They start teaching them in classroom style ish at the age of 2.  Geography, Music, Math, Science, and Writing.  There may have been others too.  I can't remember.  They play too, though.  And still have nap times.  They were very organized, had lots of information and were real exciting people.  The kids were all happy, and you could just tell.  It was a good place.  


The only other downside is our poor puppy is not used to us both being gone all day.  I can tell he hates it.  But we're trying to make sure he gets a walk in the evenings or at least something.  And he needs to get used to less attention- a baby is coming after all.  It's just sad to watch.  He's adjusting well, though.  No bad behavior.  He really is a big sweetheart.  You can't help but love him.  I don't care what people say, I don't think my feelings towards him are going to change much after baby arrives.  


Ok, so I've bombarded you with TONS of information tonight!  I'm going to write another post on the nursery, and maybe if you're lucky I'll include a post on Puerto Rico (cuz who doesn't want to see THOSE pictures?).  And maybe, just maybe, I'll get something read here soon and I'll update my reading challenge.  I'm scared to look at the numbers, though... I was so close to caught up.

An update

Oh hello.  Remember me?  I know I haven't been around much other than the few books here or there.  It's been a busy time for me.  I'll just give you one huge update, mmmk?


All things pregnancy
Pregnant life has not been a happy life for me.  I'm trying my darndest, but it just seems that life refuses to be nice on this journey.  (I really just have WAY too much going on).  Anywho- I failed my glucose screening.  And then I failed my glucose tolerance test.  So I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and told to take an education class (I did) and start testing my glucose levels 4 times (that's FOUR FINGER PRICKS) a day.  


Ok, so I got the news in the middle of a rough week, and it's been pretty stressful, and I cried a lot.  No lie.  But it wasn't bad.  The diet wasn't even that hard to follow, even though yeah- it sucks to give up your carbs.  I like my carbs, especially in the morning.  Cereal?  Milk?  Fruit?  I can live without sweets.  But cutting carbs wasn't easy.  But I did it.  And I was proud of myself!


Until my glucose levels rose again.  The diet stopped working.  So I talked to my OB, and she put me on an even stricter diet with a follow up this Friday.  I started Friday evening.  I cried.  A lot.  It's a really strict diet.  I could probably name what I'm allowed to eat quicker than what I'm not allowed to eat.  As in- eat at all, not just reduce intake.  I'm allowed whole wheat bread (only 1 piece for breakfast).  I'm allowed peas (at least she didn't say anything about them), apples, berries, milk (2 glasses a day, NOT at breakfast), greek yogurt, pears (again didn't say anything about them), oranges that aren't too sweet.  And then I'm supposed to eat tons of protein and fiber.  So leafy greens and meat it is!  Good thing I'm still allowed peanut butter.  I'd die without at least that.


But my numbers were down again!  yay!  Except today, but I think I know why at least.  I didn't eat a good bedtime snack last night, so I started off rough.  Then I had a protein bar instead of a real food for a snack, and I think it shot my numbers up... So no more of those I guess.


But all in all, everything is going well!  We aren't finding out the gender (even though we've had 3 ultrasounds and the doc said we'll have another at 36 weeks).  We have names picked out.  We have done a lot of prepping, and when baby comes I'll do a nursery post (because it won't be finished until after we know baby's name).  We have a good amount of cloth diapers.  At least for at first.


Oh, and the stats- I'm 27 weeks.  I've gained 27 pounds.  The doc doesn't want me gaining any more and says with the restricted diet I probably won't.  I'm not so sure about this... But what the hell, right?


In other news
I spent another 2 weeks in Puerto Rico (another reason for the blog hiatus).  This trip was a lot more stressful.  I had to go with a guy I'm not very fond of at work (and he's not very fond of me).  It makes it difficult for a pregnant woman, especially when you need help.  The work was also different.  We weren't just learning about the plant- we were shadowing for our actual position and doing some real work.  Plus, I used my Spanish a lot more.  You wouldn't think it, but it takes a lot of energy to do that.  I was exhausted!  


Oh, I got to use my first aid training AND Spanish all at once!  It was a horrific story but it's perfect for blogging.  There we were in a traffic jam. On a 4 lane road with a 4 foot median (ish).  When we get up to the front of traffic, there is a man lying in the road with a helmet on.  Not moving much, and very much hurt.  No motorcycle in sight (which to me, is bad...).  So we stop for a second, and I immediately jump out to help (hello CPR/First Aid training!).  I let someone who actually LIVES in Puerto Rico use my phone to call 911 and the guy's family while I spend the next 30 minutes keeping the guy calm and still.  Lucky his helmet saved his head.  His arm was destroyed, though.  But very little blood, so at least I didn't have to worry about that, nor did I have to provide first aid for it.  The guy's name was Alex, and for the rest of my life I'll never forget him.  He probably had a concussion.  Later his family texted me to say thanks and informed me that he had a broken arm (probably both the radius and ulna) and a broken leg.  It was one of those moments where you just react, and then afterwards you really feel proud of yourself.  My story-telling doesn't at all do it justice.  


So... pregnant woman helping an injured motorcyclist... It had to be an interesting moment for everyone else too.  And even if they are the craziest drivers I've ever seen (seriously), they certainly care for each other.  No one in traffic cared about the pace.  Several got out to help and make sure he was ok. It was very nice to see such a great culture.


And on that note I think I'll end right there.

11K in 2011- Secrets of the Baby Whisperer

To be very honest, this is the type of book I normally laugh at.  I wonder why people buy such things and really think that parents who read this type of book are probably desperate for help or crazy.


I was given this book from someone at work.  I read the back and the cover and laughed thinking it was some joke, like all those self help books that really don't get you anywhere.  But then I started reading it, and holy Wow it's awesome.  It makes sense.  It's really not even that challenging.  It's flexible.  It doesn't say you should breastfeed.  It doesn't say you should bottle feed.  It doesn't say you HAVE to do anything, except... getting your baby into a routine.  I highly suggest any parent or parent to be read this book.  It's really that good.  It's not telling you what to do, honestly.  It's just a nice little common sense instruction manual on how to get on the right track for YOU.


Without further ado, here is: 

The Back of the Book:


When Tracy Hogg's Secrets of the Baby Whisperer was first published, it soared onto bestseller lists across the country.  Parents everywhere became "whisperers" to their newborns, amazed that they could actually communicate with their baby within weeks of their child's birth.  Tracy gave parents what for some amounted to a miracle: the ability to understand their baby's every coo and cry so that they could tell immediately if the baby was hungry, tired, in real distress, or just in need of a little TLC.  Tracy also dispelled the insidious myth that parents must go sleepless for the first year of a baby's life- because a happy baby sleeps through the night.  Now you too can benefit from Tracy's more than twenty years' experience.  In this groundbreaking book, she shares simple, accessible programs in which you will learn

• E.A.S.Y.- how to get your baby to eat, play, and sleep on a schedule that will make every member of the household's life easier and happier.
• S.L.O.W.- how to interpret what your baby is trying to tell you (so you don't try to feed him when he really wants a nap).
• How to identify which type of baby yours is- Angel, Textbook, Touchy, Spirited, or Grumpy- and then learn the best way to interact with that type.
• Tracy's Three-day Magic- how to change any and all bad habits (yours and the baby's) in just three days

At the heart of Tracy's simple but profound message: treat the baby as you would like to be treated yourself.  Reassuring, down-to-earth, and oten flying in the face of conventional wisom, Secrets of the Baby Whisperer promises parents not only a healthier, happier baby but a more relaxed and happy household as well.

The Bibliography

Hoggs, Tracy with M Blau. Secrets of the Baby Whisperer.  New York, New York: The Ballantine Publishing Group, 2001.

You can find it here or at your local public library (support the libraries!).

Total pages: 276

Total pages read in 2011: 2,876

Total pages remaining: 8,124

New obsession

Buying cloth diapers on Ebay.


Yup.  That's right.  Diapers- as in something that someone else is going to poo in and then I have to change.  And I'm in love.


I'm 20 weeks pregnant.  Half way.  I've gained a total of 14 lbs.  My baby's gender is going to remain a surprise until birth (even to us!-- eep).  Currently baby is around 12 ounces.  :)


We are doing a Dr. Seuss theme for the nursery!  We chose bright colors (grey, orange, and green) and my aunt is going to help me create neat decorations out of the pages of my favorite Dr. Seuss book (Oh Say Can You Say).  We plan on doing the totally cliche name on the wall, although it will obviously have to wait until after baby is born.  We also are going to incorporate a really cool fortune I got in a cookie somewhere.  I currently keep it in my wallet.  :)


AND we are going to cloth diaper.  EEEP they are adorable!  There were so many good things about cloth diapers that I really couldn't say no.  And my company makes diapers, so that's really saying something.  So, since cloth diapers are so expensive to buy at the beginning, I'm starting to stock up now.  We looked at a few, and I chose Gdiapers.  I have won 8 size small and I'm hoping to win 6 size medium today.  It'll at least be a good start.


This week's projects include painting the nursery and maybe building some of the furniture.  I'm SUPER excited.  It is so freakin' real.


As you can tell, I have ONE obsession as of late.  Sorry I haven't written, but I have absolutely NOTHING else going on.  Work is keeping me on my toes.  I've been in training for a good while, and it's finally sinking in, which is good.  It's still a lot, though!  I can't wait to really get settled in.  I have a feeling baby will be here before that, though!  haha.  


Oh.  PS.  We have a girl's name picked out, but since we aren't sharing it with my family, it's not really fair to share it with you.  We have a boy's name that Mike is "sleeping on".  I love it.  I'm hoping it sticks.

Secrets Secrets are no fun

I have to unfortunately tell you that you are the absolute last to know my secret.  And since you are the last, it is obviously no longer a secret.


I have an ever-growing belly.  Ok, not FORever-growing.  Just about 26 1/2 more weeks of growing, and then hopefully WHOOSH it'll start shrinking back to normal.


That's right.  I'm 13 1/2 weeks pregnant!  (See why I've been sort of MIA around here?  It's exhausting starting a new job while trying to finish the first trimester.)


Of course, it's not my only excuse.  We're also hosting a bridal shower this weekend, we had to celebrate a birthday last weekend (and visit with an out-of-town friend), plus all the cleaning to go with having company, and oh by the way I started my new job, and I literally slept 12 1/2 hours the first night after (that means I got home, ate, fell asleep, woke up and went to bed).


Unfortunately you are the last to know.  I mean to tell you earlier, but I've been rather busy, distracted, sick, sleepy, and busy.


And of course, everyone is ecstatic.  Including Romeo.  He won't be once the baby's here, but he currently enjoys cuddling up next to my belly to sleep.  I kid you not.  I think he maybe thinks he's keeping baby warm?  I don't know.  He's also become clingy to the point that it's annoying both my husband (he won't even EAT when I'm home unless I'm right there with him) and myself (I have to be there with him for everything, including EATING).


So now you know.  I've been dying to write about it!  And I can't wait.  I'm not so sure I enjoy pregnancy.  But of course the fun is yet to come- feeling baby move and such.  I'm very happy about what the end result will bring, however.  It's all very much worth it.  Now if only I can get my mother to stop telling me what I'm not allowed to do, I'll be just fine!


To satisfy everyone, here are a few pictures.  Baby bump at 12 weeks (I haven't uploaded 13 weeks pics yet) and an ultrasound picture.

I honestly feel I just look fat at the moment.  But the bump is steadily growing, so I'm sure it's merely temporary.  And the alignment of the mirrors really is no help at all for the photos- Mike is supposed to be fixing that.


PS- My mom has nicknamed him/her as "Panda"  apparently because that's what he/she looks like in that same ultrasound photo.  So that is what we are calling baby.

Wedded Wednesday- Stay at home dads???

Disclaimer- we have no children, in case you are new.  This is mostly hypothetical.

So Mike is officially back to working only 1 part time job.  He wants to get a second one asap, but I'd prefer he doesn't.  I didn't get to see him at all, and to be honest we can survive a little while without it.  Not to make things difficult for us, but sometimes time is worth more than money, ya know?

So on that note, somewhere down the lines I had been discussing the options of having a baby with a few people, and I was absolutely shocked when they ALL made it very clear that the dad HAS TO have a full time job.  Period.

Now, to be honest, I kind of agree KIND OF.  I would prefer to be a stay at home mom some day.  Or work from home.  Or have a small part time job.  Whatever it takes so that I'm the one at home with the kids.  However, I'm very realistic, and I don't see that happening.  I honestly see both Mike and I working full time while raising our kids.  And I'm not opposed to daycare at all- in fact, if you find the right one, it can be the best thing you do for your child.  A lot of them help teach kids the social graces of life.  And they get a jump start on their education, which I'm all about.  Not that I couldn't do that on my own, but a girl's got a lot to do already, you know?

The one option that's more realistic at the moment, however, is Mike staying at home and keeping his part time job.  IF and this is a BIG IF we were to get pregnant now, it might even be more beneficial for Mike to NOT get a full time job.  He works third shift.  I sleep while he's working.  He sleeps while I'm working.  We're both home in the evenings.  With a little adjusting, we could actually raise a child without daycare this way.  It would work well, especially since I carry the health insurance and I have disability leave, etc etc. 

Why is it, though, that this idea just absolutely HORRIFIED these women?  I mean, the answer was very much, unabashedly, big fat in your face NO WAY IN HADES.  I was really shocked.  I thought in today's world that more people would be more open minded.  And the reasons were pretty vague.  Maybe they just didn't want to work?  I just don't get it. 

Now true, I will say that I would have issues with the lack of cleaning, the lack of organization, and the lack of probably a lot of things that I would be doing if I were the one at home.  But financially, it's a very viable option.  Too viable to not even consider it.

Now, of course, if Mike is discovered and then strikes it rich, we will be singing a different tune and I'll be able to have my dream home with my dream kitchen full of freezer meals a beautiful baby and NO JOB.  But hey... He's gotta be discovered and strike it rich first.

Remembering and Supporting

Remember back in August when I told you about the awful tragedy(ies) that my family went through?

It sucked.  But you know what else sucks?

I lost two followers that day.  I break the worst news of my life online and two of my followers decide that whatever it was at that time, that was the tipping point, and they were done with me.

I honestly couldn't even tell you who they were, but seriously?  It upset me a little.  I blog because I want to connect.  I want support.  I want to know more people in this world, and I want to be able to share my opinions and stories with others.

Secretly, we're all attention whores.  At least I am.

So I'm going to share something else with you, pretty much dead on the same subject, and I'm curious to see the reaction. 

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  That's a pretty long title, if you ask me.  How about we call it Remembrance Day?  A day to remember all of our babies.  And by baby, it could be anyone from just starting off in the womb to a 57 year old son of an 80 year old grandparent.  Because we are all someone's baby.

I lost my baby on August 16.  I never got to see a face, or even a heartbeat.  The only picture I saw was on the day we found out it had already left us.  But the big shocker?  I know a BAJILION women (and men) who have suffered the same loss.  I just never knew it.  Until this year I never knew there was an official remembrance day, or a tradition known as the International Wave of Light.

I think everyone should know.  And don't sit there and say "Good God when will this woman get off her freakin' soap box about this and move on?".  I guarantee you know someone who's suffered as I have.  Or someone who's lost a son, or a daughter to some other fight- be a physical injury, an ailment, or just God's will.

At first I wasn't going to mention it.  I'm not even mentioning it on my facebook.  Most of my friends don't know what I've gone through, mainly because I can't stand being pitied.  It's such a taboo subject, and everyone seems to think it should be forgotten in a matter of weeks.  I was afraid to mention it even here, mainly because I want to be the funny happy blogger with the quirky attitude.  I was afraid of losing more of my very small number of followers.

I'm not so poetic.  So you should take a look here and here.  These women write it much better and they even have a list.  If you truly want to see the impact miscarriage and loss has, you should start there.  The stories break your heart.

And please, please.  I can't re-iterate this enough.  I'm not upset.  Or suffering.  Even though I don't think we ever stop mourning our losses, I'm not still "grieving" as most people see it.  I have moved on in my life.  But I will always remember.  Will anyone else?

You never think it will be you

We say this about just about everything.  Car accidents.  Losing your loved ones.  Athletic accidents.  Even good things like championships.  Setting records.  Even finding the love of your life, especially after a bad heartbreak.


But no matter how often it's applied, it's always true.  You really never think it could happen to you.  The idea is just simply unfathomable.


Unfortunately, it has to be you sometimes.  Statistically speaking it has to be someone, and what makes you any different from the next guy?


I turned 24 on Friday.  For my birthday, we had a doctor's appointment.  We were supposed to hear a heartbeat.  That beautiful sound that acknowledges there is something indeed growing inside of you.  They couldn't find one, though.  No worries.  I've gained weight, my blood and all the other tests are great.  It's probably just earlier in the pregnancy than we thought.


Just in case, though, they scheduled an ultrasound for today.  And it turns out they were wrong.  There is no heartbeat, and the baby stopped growing approximately 3 weeks ago.  For no apparent reason, I have yet to actually miscarry, but it's going to happen within the next week.  If it doesn't, then I'll have to have a D&C, which if you don't know, they will go in surgically and remove what should have naturally left on its own.


As emotional as this is, I'm thinking I've cried it out, and can hopefully move on.  I've never felt so sad, but unlike what the pamphlet says (who the hell writes that thing?  They obviously don't know JACK SHIT about losing a baby.) I don't feel guilty.  I know it's not my fault, that there was nothing I could have done to prevent it.  I'm confident we can still have children, and we will be trying again.  Hind sight is 20/20, and to be honest, it felt too good to be true.  I don't think I ever really fully accepted that I was going to be a mom.  Something just never sank in.  I never connected with "baby".  I'd like to think it was for this reason, but hind sight is certainly 20/20.  Had I not had the ultrasound today I would never consider that thought.


I think I'm more afraid of the miscarriage now.  Is this going to hurt?  How long until it happens?  How long until I recover?  I'm honestly a "cry it out and move on" type of gal.  I don't like waiting.  I have about 10 lbs to lose now.  I want to be healthy again.  I want my house to be clean again.  I want life to go back to normal again.


Please?

Can you eat a whole thing of Mac N Cheese?

And I don't mean a box of Kraft.  I'm talking one of those microwavable things from Bob Evans that is so rich and creamy you honestly WANT to eat the whole thing even if you can't.

I'm getting pretty close to the bottom.  And I've already eaten a yogurt (ok, that was a few hours ago) a ham sandwich, and a thing of veggies.  YIKES!

I'm not trying to eat the whole thing, though!  I need to save some for tomorrow's lunch.  But seriously, I'm. Hungry.

But the good news is the Doc says that since I'm 10 weeks along, I should be past the worst of the sickness!!!!  WOOOHOOO!!!!  Here's to hopefully feeling much much better in the next few days/weeks (I'm hoping for the former).  Maybe I'll even feel good enough to post a few pics!  Haha.  Maybe. 

This is a rather stupid post, I must admit.  However, it's a Monday, mom is on vacation, and this office is SO SUPER QUIET today that I honestly just want to run down the halls screaming.  My desire to keep my job prevents me from doing so, so instead I'm here blabbing to you about mac n cheese.

Mac N Cheese that I couldn't even stomach last week.  So progress already?  Here's to hoping!

Did any of you crazy moms have crazy cravings?  I know we were in the grocery store last night, and I saw ice cream and INSTANTLY had to buy a VERY SPECIFIC item.  Right. Then.  Edy's Dibs- the chocolate ones.  Unfortunately they were out of the chocolate ones.  I nearly cried.  I wish I was exaggerating.  Maybe I'll try again tonight.

Many Apologies

I'm so sorry I haven't written in over a week.  A WEEK!!!!  I just can't believe it.  At first I thought it was because nothing has happened, but that's honestly a lie.  Soon I will update you with some interesting posts- a friend flying into town, seeing a movie, all day morning sickness, and golf lessons.  So there's your preview.

The topic to cover first- of course it's the morning sickness!!!!

First- how extremely gross.  Pregnancy is supposed to be about glowing, and being uncomfortable in your skin but happy, and there's the emotions and cravings, right?

Wrong.  At about the 6.5 week mark I gradually noticed the icky feeling becoming stronger and lasting longer.  Eventually I was literally sick ALL FREAKIN' DAY!!!  It lasted about a week while I tried to reign it in.  Turns out, I'm learning.  Small meals just about every hour.  If I get up in the middle of the night I should eat some crackers.  Don't eat foods that smell bad.  Don't eat foods that make your stomach turn.  Don't eat a whole meal.

I have not had the total package deal, thankfully (PLEASE knock on wood for me) and I'm hoping that with the few tricks I've learned I can avoid it.  So far I'm doing well today, which is the first in several days, although I have gradually gotten better at it.  I didn't eat lunch today, which is usually the trigger.  I ate slightly less than half a lunch.  I will eat the rest in an hour or so.  I will eat some crackers about an hour after that.  I have a peanut butter sandwich for just before I leave work.  All this because there's something the size of a blueberry in my womb?  CRAZY.

So there you have it.  It's the totally lame excuse real reason I haven't posted an update.  Being sick takes all your energy.  But now that I'm feeling better I hope we can keep each other posted, mmmk?

AND if you're interested- I'll be 8 weeks along on Sunday.  I have gained 3 pounds, but I also weighed myself at a completely different time of the day and at least 2 of it was probably from that.  I'm tired, but not too badly exhausted.  I have to get up in the night to use the facilities, but that's the only difference there.  So far the biggest issue has been my stomach and finding the right combination of timing and food to please it.  My nose is an excellant companion in that department.  Mike brought home chicken for his dinner.  The idea of it disgusted me... until I smelled it.  I devoured half before he could eat it.  lol.  Poor boy.

Romeo has also changed- I think he knows something's up.  He's been extremely clingy and totally ignores Mike when I'm in the room.  He has also started sleeping in between Mike and I, which is new.  He's always gotten in the way, but now it seems intentional compared to before.  Like he's protecting me?  From Mike?  Weird.

The Dreaded Father's Day

I wrote this post a couple weeks ago, but couldn't post it immediately.  It's a delicate subject, ya know?


About 3 years ago my Dad's company held their bi-annual company picnic at King's Island.  As someone who was working there, I managed to wiggle my schedule enough that I would at least get to see him that morning (July was by far the busiest month at the park).  Mike and I spent all morning with them.  We split up pretty early, and it just felt odd.  I mean, I had to obtain Mike's ticket- my dad found an excuse for not getting him one.  Everyone knew how tense Dad was about me dating someone who wasn't (and still isn't) white.


That was the last time I saw my Dad.


I was having a birthday party in a month and everyone at the party already knew I was moving in with Mike in September.  Everyone except my Dad.  So a few weeks after the trip to KI, I called him up and let him know.  It didn't go over so well.  We yelled, we got disconnected, he called back and yelled at me for hanging up on him (I was driving- I went through a bad signal spot).  We yelled some more.  He hung up on me.  I called him back 4 times.  Finally his wife answered and said he didn't want to speak to me.


I could sit here and say I was absolutely shocked.  But unfortunately that would be a lie.  I was totally expecting it.  Doesn't mean that the actual words didn't hurt.  They still hurt today.  You wouldn't believe how many different ways I've learned to cope with the pain.


6 months later Mike proposed.  I wrote my Dad a letter.  I told him about it, and told him how much I missed him, and asked him to participate.  That Mike and I were an Us now.  Not just me.  He wrote back and turned every nice thing I said into something hateful.  He was mean.  I gave up.  I responded with every thought that I had formed and told him how awful he was for doing this.


1 year and 6 months later- It's Father's Day (oh how I hate this day).  One of my best friends was married 2 days earlier, Mike's best man was married the day before.  Our wedding was in 5 days.  It was my last shot- I called him.  It went exactly as I had expected.  He shot me down.  He even had the nerve to say "Had I voiced my opinions sooner, maybe things could have been different."


I hate Father's Day.  Today marks the 1 year anniversary of that horrible call.


But today is going to be different.  We're starting new holidays for us.  Not ones where we celebrate our own Father's, but one where we celebrate us as parents.

Happy Father's-To-Be Day, Mike.  I love you.  And yes, I'm terrified.


This also explains the lack of posts lately.  Because, quite frankly, when you have one big thing on your mind, it's hard to NOT write a post about it.  Now that I have, I will try my best to keep my blog from being over-run with pregnancy posts.  Please keep in mind I said TRY.